Just one bite!

Mmmmm...Joe's Crab Shack.  Delicious.  I believe they might have the best crab recipes in the world.  Lovin' it.  We went there for lunch today and I consumed a giant dungeoness crab, enjoying every taste.  So why did I order my kids food?  Those little turds...all they wanted was to eat mine and Daddy's food.  I don't know why we ever actually order stuff for them.  Of course, intially they want something off the kid's menu, but once the food arrives their food just sits there, while they sit and whine for another bite of mine.  Why is this?  This happens not only at restaurants, but at home as well.  I can't eat anything without having to share it with the little vultures.  I swear, I can open the fridge with the kids playing outside, which you would think would prevent them from being able to hear it, but nooooooooo....here they come! 

Mommy, I want a bite! 

But is a bite ever truly enough?  Let's be real people.  One bite leads to two bites leads to three bites leads to finishing the milk in the bottom of my cereal bowl.  You would think that I would lose some weight with all of the sharing that I do on a daily, nay hourly basis.  I never get to eat anything by myself.  And don't even get me started on my dad, who lives with us too.  He is the worst culprit.  I swear, he sees me with ANYTHING and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Bite?"  OMG! 

The day I get to finish my own sandwich will be, well, after both kids graduate and we put dear old dad in the ground.  And let's face it, that's not gonna be for a long, long time.  I guess I should start buying bigger bowls for my cereal and bigger bread for those sandwiches.  Or, maybe I should just appreciate them helping me to keep the calories down.  Save some room for that nice big vodka soda with lime.  :)

The housing dilemma

When I was young, I never learned about money.  So, naturally, I didn't know how to prevent myself from falling into terrible money habits and ruining my credit.  I am now 27 years old and still fixing all of the problems that I created for myself in the past.  I am happy to know what I know now, but I wish someone would have told me about it all when I was younger.  What makes this such a terrible problem now is that we can't purchase a house.  I want a house for my kiddos so badly.  They deserve to not have to move, over and over again.  So now we are in serious credit crunch mode, trying to create a great financial picture on paper in order to qualify for a home loan.  Ugh.

I've taken the first few steps.  I got a credit card, which will initiate some revolving credit for myself.  My husband will have a credit card within a week or two, which will give him some revolving credit.  We're in the middle of trying to clean everything up while still pay our bills at the same time.  This is going to take awhile, I can already see. 

Looking at houses makes me drool, because I just want one so badly.  Did I mention that my husband does remodeling?  So of course I would like to have a home that we can actually fix up for ourselves.  I know just how I want my kitchen, bathrooms, etc.  But is this dream to become reality?  Probably not for awhile.  We're working with a mortgage broker who has some credit clearing friends, so maybe sooner than I anticipate, but until then, we might just be stuck in a month to month with a crazy landlord who has to pray about everything before making any decisions.  Not that praying is a bad thing, but you would think that us being the answer to her first prayers would make it easy for her to allow us to sign a lease.  Apparently not.  The kids find it fun to house hunt, running circles around each and every living room that we look at.  They don't seem to understand why mommy and daddy are so serious.  :)  I'm gonna try to take a note from them.  Who cares where we live, as long as we live there together??

Ouch! My wallet hurts!

The world is shaking around me.  The noises of yesterday are ringing in my ears.  I can't believe that I'm about to say this, but I think that I'm done with shopping.  HA!  I went to the Victoria's Secret semi-annual sale yesterday and managed to spend a nice amount of money.  I also went and bought my kiddos a bunch of clothes (cause I can't seem to manage not to spend money on them).  This shopping spree left a nice dent in my wallet, which seems to be telling me, "HEY LADY!  STOP SPENDING YOUR MONEY!!!!" 

My mind argues back, "But I love to shop!"  And it's true, isn't it ladies?  There's not a whole lot like the rush that you get when you buy that purse you've been eyeing for a month now.  And don't you just feel content once you slip into that awesome pair of jeans?  At least for the moment?  I love to indulge myself every once in awhile, especially if it is on a sale rack.  I just can't seem to say no if the price is right.  This especially seems to be true if I see something that would look just right on my pretty little girl. 

She would love this!  Oh, wow, this skirt is so cute for her!  Hannah Montana?  I have to buy this!

Or even for my son....

What a cute shirt!  He'll look so handsome!  Aww, look at this ball, my boy would LOVE this!

I got some thank you's yesterday though; that was new.  Both kids seemed to be appreciative of their mommy's ever-growing coupon clipping sales skills.  They hugged their newest items with love and said thank you mommy over and over again.  So maybe I'm not being too bad.  I mean, I do need to hit up Old Navy today...hubby needs some new shirts.  Yes, he needs them.  Or maybe I just need another fix.  Better t-shirts than crack people!  Don't judge me!

Welcome back, reality.

Today is the day we've all been waiting for.  That's right, the kiddos are back in school!  This is an exceptionally exciting day for all of us parents who have been blessed with extra time over Christmas break with our kids, only to find out that we don't entertain them as well as we used to.  What happened?  And I feel like the kids know this too.  This might be because when I went to pick my son up from daycare yesterday he pointed his star tipped wand at me and said, "GET OUT OF MY CLASS!!!!" Oh, shit!  I guess he felt the same way as I did over break when he looked at me pitifully, as if I had no clue how to make his day go exactly the way that those amazing teachers do at school. 

We called yesterday the test run for back to school, because although we all got up and got both kids ready for school, only one school was in session and it was not my daughter's.  Ha!  Jokes on us.  It was a good day, really anyway. After finding the elementary school closed, my husband and daughter watched cartoons and I cleaned up the house.  And I forced my daughter to clean her hurricane disaster area as well.  Which was fun.  I always enjoy a good yell fest and debate over why the room should or shouldn't be cleaned.  Back to reality people.  Back to reality.  Grandma isn't here anymore kids...Mommy will still kick your ass.  Get that damn room cleaned up!  You are almost 5 years old...you know how to put your toys into your toybox!  I am still amazed every time she tells me she can't do something as simple as putting away her jewelry.  Kid, you read on a 4th grade level and you can't figure out how to open a jewelry box???  What in the hell is going on here?  It is frustrating in the way that when you're putting on eyeliner and it keeps smudging and you feel completely incompetent, even though you've been putting on eyeliner for over 10 years now. 


So here I am, back to doing what I do best, paperwork, school, blogging, and entertaining myself.  I think I'm gonna hit up Victoria's Secret today and try to figure out just how she manages to keep it.  Have a great one!

Salsa, presents, and wine

Cheers!  This is to friendship, motherhood, Santa Clause, baby Jesus, and happiness.  Raise your glasses for a toast...because I'm sure gonna.  Have you ever had one of those days where you just needed a glass of wine to make the night better?  One of those days where the kids spent the entire day screaming and running around like banchees?  All you nonparents...one of these days, prepare yourselves.  It takes nerves of steel to raise kids without rearing back and beating the living shit out of them.  No, it's not just me...this is based on well-documented research. 

Yesterday was just one of those days.  I was so excited to have my little girl home from school so that we could go shopping and bond and have some mommy and me time.  But was she with that program?  Of course not....best laid plans and all.  We spent most of our day arguing and fighting, me trying to get her to stop whining for stuff at Wal-Mart...(yes, we were there again, but that's a completely different story).  By the time we got back home, both of us had cried, yelled, and Mommy had sworn like a sailor and pulled my own hair out.  We had quite a day.  I got home to a dirty house and two cranky children, because by this time I had picked up my son from daycare.  And in 10 minutes company was coming!  Presents were to be exchanged, but where were the presents?   Oh, shit!  Not wrapped, of course not.  So I rush to the room, hastily (and I might add crappily) wrap the presents for our friends.  Not 30 seconds later the doorbell rings. 

My friends walk in with their two small children and we quickly get to the present swap.  The kids immediately begin to fight over whose present is whose.  I can feel a migraine coming on.

Dinner is almost done, so after getting the kids to come inside, we set up the table for our kids, and as my friends are about to go to dinner, their oldest decides she wants to stay.  Me, being the wonderful person that I am (haha), offer to keep her while they go out to eat.  They readily agree (who wouldn't??).  So we all sit down to dinner, and the kids entertain us with their witty banter back and forth, especially the two year olds who seem to be speaking their own language. 

There is a knock at the door.  Oh yes, another two year old!  I will now be the keeper of 3 two year olds and a 4 year old.  Because I'm either that nice, or that fucking crazy.  Did I mention that I still needed to clean my house? 

So, as the kids get down from the table and start to terrorize myself, the dog, and all of the poor stuffed animals in the house I pause for a moment to let the migrain intensify.  This is definitely going to be a wine night. 

There is still so much to be done, but at that exact moment I make an executive decision.  There will be no cleaning tonight.  I will purchase a nice bottle of red wine and wrap presents.  Yes.  That will be a wonderful way to end the evening.  And as I wrapped presents and stared at the growing pile of good intentions stacking up under the tree I smiled to myself.  I realized that the excitement of my children waking up on Christmas morning was well worth the craziness that the holidays provides.  Headaches and empty wallets are nothing compared to the joy that will be sure to come when my in-laws get to see the kids.  And although my days are overwhelming and sometimes I want to run away to the Bahamas where nobody knows me and I can have hot hate sex (thank you Kathryn Heigl) with random strangers, I would never actually do that.  A spoonful of vodka (or wine) makes the medicine go down.

Back by popular demand!

Well, the stress is high and the funds are low.  That's my story, and most others out there this Christmas.  Although, I do have to say, I have spent waaaaaaay to much money this year.  Christmas is my favorite holiday, so I have a tendency to splurge even when there isn't enough to go around.  My children don't really understand, however.  They just seem to think that the presents come because they come.  And there is no questioning that fact.  I love giving them gifts, but at the same time I want to instill a sense of gratitude into them.  In order to do just that, I tried to explain Toys for Tots to my daughter. 

"So, we give toys to all the boys and girls who might not get any otherwise."  Mom

"They might not get toys?  Were they bad?" Daughter

"No, not bad.  Santa just doesn't always have enough to go around." Mom

Do you see where this conversation is going?  How do we teach our kids that they should be grateful for their gifts and that Santa is real?  Because if Santa is real, then he should bring EVERY child a present who was good.  And if that kid isn't getting a present, isn't it because he or she was bad?  And if they weren't bad, why isn't Santa bringing them a present?  It's very circular.

In the end I just stopped trying to explain it.  I mean, in a 4 year old's mind, the whole world still revolves around them.  So why bother trying to convince her that it doesn't?  She'll learn, and we'll still do the donations to Goodwill and Toys for Tots.  When she's big enough she'll be helping me volunteer at the soup kitchen.  Until then, we'll work on gratitude in different ways.  Like those trips to the McNasty's playplace.  Those are terms that she understands.

I need a crystal ball

Man, I wish I had a manual for life.  I swear, when I first started out I knew everything.  I remember being 16 and having all of the answers.  Answers that, somewhere along the way, were lost.  I no longer have them.  They are gone.  It may be all of the alcohol I have consumed in my life, but I swear I used to have answers and no longer do.  My children, however, now they know the answers.  Check this out...the following answers come from my 4 year old daughter.  She's pretty hilarious.

What makes the world go round?  Well, if something shakes the world goes around.  And that's what makes the world go around.

Why is the sky blue?  Because the sun is up!

What makes a mommy happy?  Uhhhh...if she has a daughter and a son.  And if you get to sleep in.

What makes mommy mad?  Weeeellll...when Ethan doesn't listen.

What makes Daddy happy?  Ummm, when he gets to sleep in.

What makes Daddy mad?  Umm, when Ethan doesn't be good.

Why does the dog talk to us?  She doesn't talk!  She is not a person.  She's just a dog, she cannot talk real.
But I know the best way why she talks to us...because she wants to go outside!

Why does Santa Clause use a sleigh?  Because he doesn't have a car!

How come when we bounce on the trampoline we don't stay up in the air?  Maybe because the kids can't jump up way high?

Why do babies cry?  Cause they're babies.

What's your favorite thing about mommy?  Because I love you.  That's my favorite thing about you.


So, the next time I need an answer, I'm coming to her.  She's got great answers with no barriers.  I wish I could go back in time and remember all the things I don't know now.  That's it for now...back to studying for me!